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Suspect!

by Portion Kontrolle

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1.
death is a rocket traveling on a parabola where did you leave your mark? are you proud? degrade me you death object for only you can match my own (x2) we've both been passed over (x2) unloved, abused, splintered (x2) wait did that really happen before it even happened? did the love and the light be snuffed without even forsight even a little foresight could've told us a little bit we don't deserve it anymore the dream, the hope, the promise, it's all been to watch a downward spiral the hummingbirds were, to him, like the externalized version of what he wished he the laborers looked like. it was ugly to see them in their conditions; a reminder of their weakness and slovenly nature, born for nothing but to serve. why couldn't they look like the hummingbirds do? they too serve, but serve in a state of grace, with an aura that is deserving of respect whereas all he could feel for the laborers was contempt, even as they kept the factories running, mouths fed, machines oiled, they too operated as machines themselves do, with the factor of human failure acutely accounted for, accounted for, built into the system itself so as to benefit from the errors themselves for the machine can make useful anything even the most seemingly benign or counterintuitive, like when one of the forklift drivers knocked down an entire aisle of pickled/jarred produce, rather than going to waste, all the laborers ate a lot of pickled sandwiches rest assured he never knocked down another aisle so many things without meaning in the now meant only to be found in a hundred years among the rubble
2.
Oh smell it in the air you can almost really smell it in the air ol johnny boy when we walked by You rolled up your nose and it wasn't something to be behold, no and then one day he was walking down the street with his lady one day, one day, he's walkin with his lady and then one day, she's gone! nowhere to be seen, I was really likin her and she's not here no more I was really likin her and she's not near no more Don't think Ol Johnny boy will be seein no more sure doesn't look like it to me, hehe... come on home miss, you're always welcome (Ol Johnny's Lady) I packed my bags just the other day I sat on the bed and it stabbed me in the face, I walked the stairs and i opened the door, and I Fell to the floor I am not to be found no Do not come looking for me I don't want to be found by you The man in the store he gave me the pack x2 I try, and I swear to God, But maybe I shouldn't even be doing that sort of thing No maybe I shouldn't even be doing that sort of thing He's on to me!!! And he's watching over my shoulder.
3.
Clamping down on the fascist within Decolonize the soul, Become one with the flow of desires How to free the libido There's a creeping shame and embarrassment in Kafka especially for not understanding the customs of the elite the customs of the elite the customs of the elite it's not cause you're in on the joke it's not cause you're in on the joke it's cause you're not in the club which means He's operating on Reagan himself He's operating on the level of Reagan himself Ballard discovers some fusion of classic parody with the only true form of mockery now available its pastiche, because its impossible to satirize the hyperreal, though he relies on no historical context or style, to do soe free of nostalgia and operating On Reagan himself On the level of Reagan himself "This fine would hurt my financial stability at the moment, as Covid has forced a burden on my familyyyyyy.... thank you for your time your Honor, whatever you decide I will make sure never to park in this manner again, Sincerely, your friend.
4.
I followed the bird over to the end of the bush she told me to look up and look ahead you're runnin boy runnin in place Wings flap overhead an obscured star above was it a lie or some trick? stumbling stumbling stumbling to the end of the bush? Looking up at the man in the pale morning light will it be there forever or will it also take flight? I ran to the abandoned circus in town this merry go round of fate Since I haven't heard from you I've been spending a lot of time on it When you look at it, it's better than it was before, and it doesn't spin at the same speed as before, but it does spin. Old antlers hang like dead trees. Looking up at the rain in the pale morning light will it be there forever or will it also take flight? break No one told me I was free to leave anytime And no one did say to me that I could get down could get down So I got on the ride and I sat on it I couldn't even get off until she said I had to get off the ride get off the ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-id come on lady I just wanna ride the ride?
5.
How to be inside the charred remains of a failed new world? And How to eat off a carcass that's been picked clean with the spectre of a million ghosts overhead stolen, pillaged, judging, How to believe in a landscape of spectacle where down means up or nothing at all where down means up or nothing at all How to love in an atomized landscape where most love only themselves? And how do I learn when true knowledge is shunned and derided? How do I grow, when to grow means monetarily as always... break How to have values in a vortex of transmutation? How to hope with the historical sense haunting ever glimmer haunting every glimmer? And how to dream when the daily stimuli fuses grey amorphous nodes? And how to grasp when the material proves ever more vaporous? and how to write when cortex functions devolve before screens? How to dance to the beat of the bombs on loop (repeat) How to sing over the screams of a mothers last hug?
6.
I wonder if you'd care (would you care?) That I never took down your painting never took down your painting I never took it down, it still sits on my wall Earlier that day C. stopped by table to comment how cool Red Lips is and how nice, and I knew there was some truth to that, too to see her twice in a day, and then on the Burke Giliman, that same hasty Go-Go-Go look on her face, taking in no notice of her surrounds, focused only on the path forward, yeah focused only on the path forward and dragging her suitcase along the way, dragging her suitcase along the way, eyes only for that infinite tunnel to posterity, off too vrrrrooooooo! I don't know where their takin her but I do know that they're making her safe When they pack up that painting I make sure they never lose it when they pack that painting up I make sure they never lose it And it was not even according to my own will did I leave that painting on the wall, yes sir, I did not even think about taking it down and I wonder does that make me different to you?
7.
8.
Suspect 02:29
When the night come you're a suspect when the night come you're a suspect suspect waiting for the night waiting for the night to come you're a suspect big suspect! (repeat) yeah (((they're))) waiting around waiting around for things to change but the things don't change that you want to change and they all stay the same you're a suspect big suspect! (repeat) waiting around, they are
9.
Getrockenes haut, brecht durch mir wieder aber, ich liebe dich dein liebe zerreisst mein finger mein fingerrrrrr Getrockenes haut brecht durch mir wieder (ich liebe dich) Deine liebe zerreisst mein finger ab (X4) Und keine sagt das du das einfach laesst entweder sagen , oder sagen sie nicht you will see the end the end is not far aber ich kann nicht mehr Deine liebe zerreisst mein finger ab (X4)

about

Three garage rockers tracks 1, 3, and 5
Three acoustic trifles tracks 2, 4, and 6
One cinematic scape track 7
Two lost souls in my repertoire, tracks 8 and 9

these are simple songs that feature disparate themes often delivered in a spoken word-like rhythm, about systems of control, the loss of friends and of ourselves, of relinquishing hope, of Pynchon's ideas on death and Kafka's on embarrassment, of nature's sublime power even in the most fractured of instances, of smelling bad.

I have felt moments of catharsis in them and i just thought I should throw them out there in case they resonate with anyone else. there is hardly any cohesion but I hope you enjoy

keep an eye out for a more electronic/synth/sample/abstract and hopefully collaborative release.

credits

released June 2, 2021

All instruments recorded mixed and mastered by Ben J aka Portion Kontrolle

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Portion Kontrolle Seattle, Washington

bedroom guy with no idea what is going on

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